


A Light Against the Dark

by MintTangle



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: (also also it's nowhere near this easy or this fast to figure yourself out), (also although this has nothing to do with da/de), (consider it compressed for the fic's sake), (you BET that was the Nines I was picturing when I wrote this), Coming Out, Connor & Upgraded Connor | RK900 are Siblings, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Nines is femme nb and I'm living for it, Nonbinary Character, Upgraded Connor | RK900 Has a Different Name, it's Nines y'all, oh and I need the obligatory, seriously it's been like 12 hours of writing this y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22844443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintTangle/pseuds/MintTangle
Summary: Nines is still having some trouble navigating "like" and "dislike." Gender sure is one hell of a place to start.
Relationships: Connor & Upgraded Connor | RK900, Upgraded Connor | RK900 & Gavin Reed
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	A Light Against the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> So turns out the Octopunks Discord is a breeding ground for good ideas. I took this one and ran with it, even though it's not the one I was supposed to be writing—

_Freedom_ came with so many things. Now, suddenly, there were _emotions_ and _feelings_ , which weren’t always the easiest to deal with, but the positive ones usually made up for the negative ones. Much harder to handle, however, were _choices_ , because making a decision when you no longer had your programming to tell you what the best option was meant that you also had to have a good grasp on _likes_ and _dislikes_. Some androids had figured out their own preferences quickly enough, while others still struggled to understand the concept.

Nines sat firmly in the latter category.

For the most part, Nines was okay with this fact. It was easy enough to defer to the preferences of those around him, which in turn usually made them happy, or, in the case of Detective Reed, at least much more tolerable to be around. Connor was usually more upset about Nines’s indifference than Nines himself, fretting about how much his little brother let himself be walked all over. Nines appreciated the concern, but the truth was that it was far easier for Nines to let everyone walk all over him than to face the distress he felt when he was asked, “What do you want to do?”

Nines didn’t know how to _want_.

That was the fundamental difference between Nines and his big brother. Connor _wanted_ things. Connor _liked_ things. Connor _liked_ fish, Connor _liked_ dogs, Connor _liked_ music. The house he’d gotten in the same neighborhood as Hank was full of things he _liked_. Houseplants. Blankets. Paperback books. Exactly two fish tanks. Nines’s own small apartment, further into the city, was utterly sparse in comparison. A television. A couch. A bed, because Connor insisted that it was better than simply dropping into stasis tucked away in the corner of the room. Nines wasn’t sure he agreed. After all, a bed meant picking out bedsheets, and that was a matter of _preference_. In the end, he’d settled on a light gray set. He didn’t know if he _liked_ gray. He didn’t know if he _disliked_ gray. To him, it was simply gray. He didn’t know how to attach feelings to it.

“It’s not very cozy,” Connor always said of the apartment when he came to visit. Connor _liked_ cozy.

“It’s efficient,” Nines always answered. He didn’t _need_ anything beyond what he already had.

“You don’t have to be efficient anymore, Nines.” Connor always looked right at him when he said this part. “Don’t you _want_ to be anything else?”

Nines wasn’t sure, but he was starting to get a feeling that he did. Not in the way Connor meant it, not exactly, but he'd ended up considering what other people thought he was, and who they thought he was supposed to be. It differed, depending on whose viewpoint he considered. There were still plenty of anti-android groups out there, and to them, Nines was _it_. A thing, not a person. And there was no denying that something about that _hurt_. To everyone else, though, to colleagues and friends and strangers on the street, Nines was _he_. And when it came down to it, Nines didn’t think that _felt_ right.

 _He_ was the first thing Nines decided to consciously _dislike_.

That revelation naturally called for a great deal of self-reflection, something Nines had never been very fond of doing. Looking inward had always made Nines feel something like a void, containing nothing but busted programming, a few dead roses, and an ocean of passivity. Still, Nines knew that there was no choice this time. Not unless Nines wanted to continue to _hate_ being _he_.

 _She_ didn’t feel right either, so Nines quickly threw it out, though there was definitely an appeal to certain aspects of the feminine. So, nonbinary then? Perhaps. That _felt_ right, in fact. Something inside Nines seemed to settle at the admittance. Not quite like a puzzle piece slotting into place, but more like the void Nines carried inside suddenly filled up a little more.

Nines leaned back against the couch, its fabric also gray. _Dull_ , Nines thought. Nines _disliked_ gray. It was too passive, too easy to ignore. Too empty. Nines decided to perhaps buy a nice blanket to throw over the back of the couch, one that was soft and bright and vibrant, a pop of color against the _emptiness_ of the apartment.

Connor would _like_ that, Nines thought. Connor would also probably _like_ to know that Nines seemed to have discovered a few things to _like_ and _dislike_ too. So Nines messaged Connor and asked him to come over, because Nines could think of no better person to discuss all this with for the first time anyway.

It wasn’t long before Connor joined Nines on the couch, so thrilled to have been invited over for once rather than inviting himself over that he’d made it to the apartment in record time. He cared for Nines so much, truly, like a _real_ big brother, and Nines decided to _like_ that about him. It would hopefully make this next part easier, at least.

“You always ask if I want to be anything else,” Nines began, slowly, carefully, unsure of the words.

Connor nodded, watching Nines carefully. He was waiting to hear more, to finally know who Nines _wanted_ to be. He was _excited_. Nines could practically _feel_ the energy rolling off of him.

That made one of them, at least. Nines had never been quite so nervous. Nines had never had such a clear grasp of _nervous_ before, either.

“I’ve decided that I do want to be something else.” Nines took a careful, measured, unnecessary breath. “Perhaps not in the way you wished, but I hope you will find it . . . acceptable, at least.”

“Of course I will.” Connor nudged Nines with his elbow, a decidedly playful gesture. He had always _wanted_ to have a closer relationship with Nines, like _real_ siblings, not just the manufactured pieces of inorganic material they really were. He must be thrilled that Nines was finally opening up to him. Nines just _hoped_ that Connor wouldn’t change his mind in a few moments. “It’s you, Nines. Whoever you want to be, it’s fine.”

That was reassuring. _Comforting_ , even. Nines hoped it was true. “I’ve decided that I do not wish to be perceived as male, nor do I wish to be perceived as female. I find the possibility of identifying as nonbinary appealing.”

A negligible handful of seconds passed before Connor smiled and pulled Nines into a hug, something that Nines was usually unsure of but in this moment took a great deal of _comfort_ in. “I’m happy for you, Nines! I mean that. I’m glad you found this out about yourself. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”

Nines made an attempt to return Connor’s hug, arms awkwardly wrapping around him. Physical contact wasn’t something that Nines had become particularly skilled at yet. Connor simply laughed kindly and squeezed Nines tighter before pulling back. “Have you decided on pronouns yet?”

Nines hummed, eyes closing, head leaning back, LED swirling yellow. Choosing new pronouns was something that Nines hadn’t fully managed to consider yet, instead getting far too caught up on sharing the news with Connor. There were several options outside of the traditional gendered pronouns. It would take even more self-reflection to make that decision. “No. In truth, I’ve only just decided on this. I felt that you should know as well, however.”

“That’s fine.” Connor nodded. “You don’t have to decide on everything right away. This is a big step! I’ll just avoid using pronouns for you at all for now.”

“Thank you.” Nines couldn’t even begin to describe the overwhelming relief Connor’s response had provided. It was good to know that nothing had truly changed about their relationship because of this. If anything, they’d both only grown closer. And it was _validating_ to know that Connor still respected and cared for Nines so much, even if Nines had ended up not being quite what Connor was expecting.

“Oh, there’s one more thing.” Connor seemed incredibly _excited_ again. “Do you want to go shopping or anything now?”

Nines blinked. “Why?”

“Well, for example,” Connor waved a hand towards Nines, “are you happy with your clothes?”

 _Happy_. Another emotion that Nines wasn’t always the best at, but now seemed more important than ever. Nines looked down, considering. Long gone was the CyberLife uniform, but now filling up Nines’s closet were clothes relatively similar. Dress pants. Button ups. A plethora of white coats. Nines didn’t _dislike_ them, per se, but there was always the possibility that there were better options out there. That Nines could find some clothes to actually _like_.

“No,” Nines finally admitted. “At least, I don’t know if I’m as _happy_ as I could be.”

Connor hopped up from the couch, practically vibrating. “I’ll go with you, if you’d like.”

“I would appreciate your company.”

It ended up being a long trip, hours sliding by as Nines attempted to pit a budding understanding of _preference_ against Connor’s (quite frankly, terrible) fashion _choice_. Nines knew it was all worth it in the end, however, leaving the store with three new dresses, a few pairs of tights, one more white coat (with a decidedly feminine cut this time), and a new feeling of _confidence_ that Nines had never yet known.

~~~

It was a week later when Nines ended up in a meeting between the DPD, Jericho, and the Detroit city council about a string of human-led protests that had ended badly for more than one android. Nines had picked out what had quickly become a new _favorite_ outfit for the occasion: long black sweater with an asymmetrical hem over bright blue leggings, heeled black boots, the newest white coat with its feminine waist — and although figuring out the curling iron had been quite the experience, Nines knew that the freshly curled hair completed the look. Connor had nodded in approval when Nines had entered the conference room, though that was slightly more concerning than it was reassuring. Far more surprising had been Detective Reed’s response, a quick once-over and a “you don’t look half bad, tin can,” which Nines suspected was as close as the man could ever get to a compliment.

Meetings of this sort always started out the same way, with everyone introducing themselves with names and pronouns. The practice had become widespread in recent years, something Nines was now deeply grateful for. Previously, Nines had been oddly uncomfortable with these introductions (although now the reasons for that seemed more clear). Gavin had usually introduced them both at once to spare the android — “I’m Gavin, he/him, and this is my partner. We call him Nines.” That obviously wouldn’t be acceptable anymore, though, especially since Nines hadn’t managed to come out to the detective yet. Or anybody except Connor, for that matter. Nines supposed that would be changing today. It was either embrace the _fear_ of coming out or deal with the _pain_ of being misgendered for approximately two hours.

So when it was Gavin’s turn, and he’d finished his own short introduction and turned to Nines, Nines reached out and caught the detective’s arm to stop him. It was now or never, and Nines had to be the one to do it.

“I’m Nines, and my pronouns are ve/ver. It’s _nice_ to meet you all.”


End file.
